coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
