you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Rumble strips road head = magical
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
