So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Just invented taco cereal.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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