Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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