i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
not ubering you a puppy
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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