8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
