it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
be right there i have to get my cape
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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