Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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