My room smells like vodka and shame
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Randomize
