I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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