FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
