I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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