I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
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