Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
