Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
