You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
