He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
