I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
