I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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