I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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