I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
