I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
