I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
