and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
