You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
So. Much. Porn.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
