you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
it's great music for shaving your balls
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
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