I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
