When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
