did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
