jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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