Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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