I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
