guys are not supposed to queef...right?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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