Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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