sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
