I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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