You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
