he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
