people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
