I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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