Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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