we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
