I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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