You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
