My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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