After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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