Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
