my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
