i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
