doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
