We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
