I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
