look no pants
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
